Twenty Years Ago: more or less

     "NmmmH," I tried to snuff out another sob. I was all alone with this. I didn't want to be so isolated, I just was. In the general sense people say 'no one really knows what they're doing as parents'. I knew less than in the general sense of not knowing. I had no support, no one to turn to not even my husband. I tried calling one person for help that afternoon, but was rejected. I was completely alone sobbing on my bedroom floor.

     Looking back, if there had been somebody it would have been Dorcus. She would have came over and sat on the floor next to me. She wouldn't have looked at me, just put her back against the wall and slid down, staring at the wall to the side with a blank look of defeat. I would know that she didn't know what to do either. But no, I was alone, no somebody else, nobody but me.

     It wasn't the kids' fault, they were just being kids. Rotten kids at that moment, granted, but still just kids. They were just lucky that I, their mother, wasn't an animal in the wild because I'd of eaten them. Much of the time I could shoulder the situation and set things straight with them. This was not one of those days. I'd had all the whinning and arguing I could take. No more noise, I couldn't deal with the noise. I needed a quiet lone place and my bedroom was my only option. There was no one to help me. So I sat there on the floor, alone and sobbing.

     I could still hear them, an occassional "mommmm!". Unfortunately, this was one of those times they were temporarily without a mother.